


to love and protect

by teutonic



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fix-It, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Health Issues, Spoilers for V's route
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-19
Updated: 2017-09-21
Packaged: 2018-12-31 13:16:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12133311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teutonic/pseuds/teutonic
Summary: "Ray," she says, and his heart breaks at the sound of her voice, because it's clear as day that her mind is made up. She's made her choice, and it isn't him. His mind is screaming at him, so loud and terrified that he can barely even think. This can't be happening. What did he do wrong? He brought her flowers, and breakfast, and helovedher. Wasn't that enough? He just wanted —"You don't have to stay here."...What?





	1. Opportunities

**Author's Note:**

> this contains saeran-related spoilers for v's route!! also some pretty intense self-hatred on saeran's part, which i think is pretty par for the course.
> 
> to clarify: this fic diverges from V's canon route in that V manages to help MC escape without getting captured himself.

She and V are making their escape when Ray finds them. The two of them are near the garden, the one Ray loves so much, the one he brought her out to see when she first came to stay with them. It hurts, remembering how kind and sweet she'd been then, and knowing now that she wants nothing more than to leave this place. To leave _him_. 

He can't help but blame V. Blame the RFA. Blame _anyone_ , damn it, because she's _leaving_ and it's _their_ fault. They're the ones who convinced her to leave. He will never forgive them for this. 

"You can't do this," he says to them, panting for air, not from exertion but from the sheer force of his emotions. He just feels... so much, and so strongly. He feels angry, and sad, and horribly, desperately alone. 

He knows, even as he speaks, that he won't be able to keep her here unless she really wants it. He won't be able to bring himself to force her into anything, not if he knows, as he does, that it would make her unhappy. Once upon a time, he could've done it without a second thought. He could've forced her to stay with him, and - and rationalized it somehow. As protecting her, as ensuring her happiness, as _anything_ , as long as she stayed with him. But he's in too deep, now, and he cares more for her happiness than he does his own. It's a strange, unfamiliar feeling, one that he's never experienced before. He resents himself for it. He resents the way she makes him feel. But he doesn't resent her. Never her.

"Ray," she says, and his heart breaks at the sound of her voice, because it's clear as day that her mind is made up. She's made her choice, and it isn't him. He knows that there won't be any convincing her, no matter what he says, and the realization leaves him reeling in despair. His mind is screaming at him, so loud and terrified that he can barely even think. This can't be happening. She really chose... them? What did he do wrong? He brought her flowers, and breakfast, and he _loved_ her. Wasn't that enough? He just wanted —

"You don't have to stay here."

... _What?_

Ray laughs, and it's only a little hysterical, really. "Why would I leave?" he asks, and his hands come up to touch his face, nails digging in to leave harsh red crescents in their wake. "I... I'm happy here. With the Savior."

Because he is, isn't he? He's... happy?

He thinks he is. But the last time he can truly remember being happy involves a certain redhead he'd like very much to forget, and he can't think about him now, or he'll really lose it. And he can't do that in front of her. He - he can't. What if it makes her hate him? He can't risk that.

"We need to go," V murmurs urgently from behind her, but Ray's attention doesn't waver. That bastard's not worth his time.

She looks... sad. Ray might've thought it was pity, if it was anyone else. But on her, it just looks like sympathy and understanding and compassion and everything he's never had and always wanted.

"You could come with us," she says, ignoring the panicked glance V sends her, "You don’t have to be alone anymore.” 

_I’m not alone,_ he wants to say, _I have all of the other Believers._ But he knows that isn’t what she means. He knows that the other Believers don’t care about him. It hadn’t ever bothered him, and it still doesn't. But he’d thought the Savior was different. And yet... The Savior had attacked her. The Savior had known what she meant to him, and attacked her anyway. The one person he’d wanted to cherish and protect. And the Savior hadn’t even _cared_. 

Was he truly... happy? 

Another laugh tears its way from his throat, painful and sharp. “I can’t do that,” he tells her. He’s lived with the Mint Eye for as long as he can remember, he’s never had any reason to leave after they saved him from his horrid home, and he... He doesn’t know what it’d be like, leaving this place. He doesn’t even know what _he’d_ be like, if he left. The Mint Eye is as much an integral part of him as his hatred for Saeyoung, or his love for this girl. He desperately wants her to understand.

Her gaze says she does. It’s as though she’s apologetic for it too, like she hates putting him in this position, hates making him choose. “We won’t make you,” she relents, and he wants to laugh or maybe cry, because he _knows_ that. He knows that she’d never force him to do something that he didn't want to do, and he wishes he could hate her, even just a little bit. No one’s ever let him _choose_ before. “But consider it. Please,” she adds, sounding a little... disappointed. Not with him, he doesn’t think, but maybe just with the situation as a whole. He understands. He wishes things had gone differently too.

Before he can manage a response, she turns away, V’s hand wrapped protectively around her wrist. The sight doesn’t make him angry, like he thought it would. It just makes him... frustrated. Frustrated with the RFA, frustrated with his parents, frustrated with the Mint Eye. With all of it.

Ray glances behind him, searching frantically for the sight of another Believer. There isn't one. They're all inside, he imagines, searching the halls for their missing prisoners. It won't be long before they come outside, though, and he knows he must make his choice quickly.

There's some vicious irony here, he thinks. This entire time, he's been begging her to make her choice, to stay with him, and now she's asking the exact opposite of him. She wants him to make the choice to leave. As if it's that easy.

This is rash. He realizes that. It's rash, and ridiculous, and completely inadvisable. He might even come to regret it. But as she walks further and further away from him, panic rises unbidden in his chest, choking him with its urgency. He doesn't want her to leave, but if he can't stop her, then perhaps...

Perhaps he really could go with her.

“W-Wait,” he calls, and he wants to stab himself as soon as the words leave his lips, because he sounds lonely, _pathetic_. He’s not worth her compassion. He doesn’t even know why she’s so willing to trust him, not when he’s lied to her about so much. He’s _disgusting_.

She and V turn to look at him, and there’s a smile on her face, a small one but genuine all the same, and it’s like he’s been electrified. It’s like she’s shot a bolt of lightning straight through to his very core with a single look. He hates it, and he loves it. He doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to her smiles. He doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to _her_ , period. 

“I’ll come with you.”


	2. Saviors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Let me go in first,” V says at length, looking alarmingly like he’s about to walk into his own funeral. “I need to tell Luciel about Ray, so he isn’t... Well. Surprised.” 
> 
> V leaves without another word, and Ray feels some combination of dread and panic rise up in his throat all at once. 
> 
> He shouldn’t have done this.
> 
> He really, _really_ shouldn’t have done this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the response to this fic has been so lovely and heartwarming and i'm just :')  
> i'm really glad you all liked the first chapter! i hope you like the rest, as well!

The three of them are in the woods, desperate to put distance between themselves and the Mint Eye’s headquarters, when V pulls out his phone and stares at it with what can only be described as dread. 

Ray glances at the girl between them, but she seems just as confused as he is. He doubts that can mean anything good. She pulls out her phone, as well, though, and he peers over her shoulder to see that she, V, and Saeyoung have logged into the messenger. 

_[20:48]_

**707:** V...

**707:** The plan worked, then

**707:** You and MC are safe

**707:** You and MC are safe, right?

**V:** Luciel.

**V:** Yes, we’re safe.

**V:** Thank you for cutting the power for us.

**V:** But there’s something I need to ask you.

**V:** Your hideout is close, isn’t it?

**707:** ???

**707:** Well yeah

**707:** But does that really matter right now?

**707:** I can drive to you faster than you can walk here

**707:** I’m leaving now

**V:** Don’t.

**V:** We barely got away as it was. A car will be too conspicuous. 

**V:** It would be safer if we walked there. 

**V:** Could you send the directions?

**707:** You’re really serious?

**707:** How am I supposed to do that?

**707:** You know the hacker is monitoring this

**V:** That won’t be an issue right now.

**V:** I promise. Please, just trust me one more time.

**707:** ... 

**707:** Right. Whatever

**707:** I’ll trust you, V

_[707 has left the chatroom.]_

V sighs and pockets his phone, dragging a hand through his hair. 

“Are you sure this is safer?” she asks quietly as she pockets her own phone, concern peeking through her tone. She doesn’t seem to doubt V in the least, though, willing to follow his lead in spite of her own misgivings. It infuriates Ray. 

“I don’t know,” V says, “But I suppose it’s necessary.” He doesn’t elaborate any further, because the man seems to thrive on secrecy and mystery at this point, the bastard.

It’s only a moment later when Ray realizes why V made the request, realizes that he must be trying to spare Saeyoung the trouble of seeing Ray’s face. Ray can’t help but laugh until he cries, each peal of sound tearing from his throat like a dagger. 

He feels a little like he’s just been impaled. 

 

Saeyoung’s hideout is only three or four miles away. It shouldn’t take the three of them all that long to get there, really, but they aren’t exactly in their healthiest states. (Not to mention that Ray hasn’t taken his elixir since two nights ago. He’s carefully trying to ignore it, but he’s beginning to feel the earliest symptoms of withdrawal crawling up his spine.)

When the small brick building that Saeyoung had described finally comes into view, the trio lets out a collective breath. Ray can’t quite tell who is more nervous with the situation before them: himself or V. 

“Let me go in first,” V says at length, looking alarmingly like he’s about to walk into his own funeral. “I need to tell Luciel about Ray, so he isn’t... Well. Surprised.” 

V leaves without another word, and Ray feels some combination of dread and panic rise up in his throat all at once. 

He shouldn’t have done this.

He really, _really_ shouldn’t have done this.

What the hell was he thinking? He loved this girl, he did, but coming with her meant seeing Saeyoung, potentially even being _civil_ to Saeyoung, and he’d sworn to himself long ago that he would never forgive that man for abandoning him. He _hated_ him. 

A voice snaps him out of his thoughts and he flinches, dragging his gaze down to its owner. She’s looking at him with concern, and his skin feels like it’s on fire.

“Are you okay?” she asks, clearly not for the first time, and for some reason he simply can’t handle the question. 

Is he _okay_? Of course he isn’t okay. He just left the only place he’s ever considered home, he left the Savior, and now... Now he’s supposed to deal with Saeyoung? 

“This was a mistake,” he says, and almost regrets it when it makes her frown. But he doesn’t take it back. “I... I need to go back. I need to-”

“Ray,” she interrupts gently, “Are you sure that you want to? We can help you, if you just stay with us.”

Help... him? _Help him?_ As if!

“No. You want to _fix_ me,” Ray spits, suddenly and overwhelmingly upset. This is exactly what the Savior warned him about. The Savior had told him that everyone else would see his darkness and only want to fix it, want to fix _him_. Isn’t he good enough the way he is? Why does he have to change? 

“I don’t,” she says, calm but firm. He glances at her skeptically, then finds himself drawing short at the look on her face. “I don’t,” she repeats, making an aborted movement with her hands as though she wanted to touch him but wasn’t sure if he’d permit it, “I don’t want to fix you. I just want to help you. I want... I want you to be happy.” 

Ray’s blood roars deafeningly in his ears. “Oh,” he says, or tries to say at least, hands shaking imperceptibly by his sides. He laughs and the noise is sudden, jarring, but she doesn’t seem to mind. His cheeks feel oddly damp, and when he reaches up to investigate, his fingertips come away wet. 

She studies his face for a moment; he doesn’t know what she sees, but it must be something that encourages her to keep speaking. “You don’t need to be fixed, Ray,” she says, tilting her head thoughtfully as she considers her words, “You aren’t broken.”

Ray’s chest feels numb. He’s not sure where he finds the strength to speak, but somehow he manages to repeat, “Oh.” A pause, and then: “So you... You want to save me, then?” 

He can’t help but think that if it isn’t one, then it must be the other. It’s all that he knows. Fixing, saving, and abandoning... Those are the only options, aren’t they?

He doesn’t understand. He’s only ever been abandoned or saved, by his family and the Savior respectively, and this... This is new territory. This is dangerous. He’s trying to understand her intentions, he really is, but she just doesn’t make any _sense_.

Her expression goes pinched, and Ray worries that he’s said something to offend her, but she just shakes her head. “Not in the way that you mean. I don’t want to save you like Rika did,” she tells him, “I want to help you so that you can save yourself.”

His face must betray his confusion, because she just smiles gently at him and adds, “It’s not fair to you to rely on me, or on Rika, or on anyone else for your own happiness, Ray.

“You can be your own savior.”

_... Oh._

She reaches out for real this time, and her movements are sure and unafraid. Her fingers stop just short of his cheeks. He blinks, uncertain of what she’s trying to convey, and she cracks a smile. “May I?” she clarifies, and he realizes that she’s asking _permission_. 

God, is she even real?

He leans into her touch by way of an answer, and she sweeps her fingertips along his cheek, brushing away the tears that had gathered there before pulling away. Comfortable silence reigns for a few moments, and he drops his gaze to the dirt, feeling nervous for the umpteenth time since he’s met her. He never felt like this before her. It’s ridiculous, really. 

“This isn’t going to go well,” he blurts out, curling his hands into fists. His nails bite into the flesh of his palm, grounding him. “Saeyoung... Seven. He knows me.”

Saying it aloud makes him feel positively queasy. He doesn’t think she realizes just how much he’s putting himself through, coming with her like this. 

But then again, maybe she does. She never fails to surprise him.

“I figured,” she says a little ruefully, tipping her head back to look at the sky. “None of this is going to be easy. But maybe it’s better to get the really hard stuff out of the way first.”

It sounds awfully simple, when she puts it like that. Ray knows, though, that this isn’t going to go as smoothly as she’s probably hoping it will. Saeyoung abandoned him, and if his suspicions are correct, his brother has all but forgotten him. Ray despises him for it, for all of it. 

He’d gladly kill the redhead without a second thought, if not for the knowledge that she’d be upset with him if he did. He thinks he might even do it regardless, if he’s pushed far enough. His love for this girl may be intense and the first of its kind that he’s ever experienced, but he’s only human. And a very flawed one at that.

It’s around then that the two begin to hear loud shouts from inside the house. It’s not V’s voice, that much is clear enough, and Ray’s fingers twitch. The words themselves are indecipherable through the walls, but the tone and volume tells them all they need to know. 

“Well,” she sighs, eloquently, “Shit.”

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you all enjoy! :')  
> i'm over @ nonquality.tumblr.com!! feel free to come say hi!


End file.
